On March the 16th I sat at my fathers hospital bed, I held his hand tight as he took his last breaths, I could feel the coldness of his hands as he peacefully slipped away.
The feeling of loss is hollow, you can’t explain it and you can’t describe it. 

I feel like there is a gap in my heart and a pit in my stomach, my head keeps expecting to go into my parents home and my dad being sat in his chair with his mug of coffee, bottle of olbas oil and the news on.

But that image will never be real again.

There where moments that I shared with my father that at the time didn’t seem important and later on they where turned into fond memories. 

A chat we had while having a cigarette once and now every time I go past that spot I think of him and see him there, or there was a time we bumped into him while he was out for a stroll, I had not long purchased a new car and a small chat turned into nearly an hour, I drive past that spot every day and I relive that moment. These are moments that i can not purchase back but will remain with me forever.
I really don’t know how I will live my life with out my father there I just know that I have to find away. 

I would call him to ask his advice on so many things.

He helped me make real so many of my crazy ideas.

And the future is going to be a lot harder without him in my life.

Death is the eventual of life but the loss is never easy. 

The grief I feel right this moment is like nothing I have ever had to feel before and I just hope that it gets easier.