Success is not determined by those around us but by our own self worth.
Recently a very dear friend and work colleague passed away. In-fact he was the inspiration to this blog.
He was kind! Gentle! He always made time for everyone! Nothing was considered a task! A true gentleman in every way and definitely a man I am going to miss.
He was younger than I, and we often spoke about what makes a person successful. I would talk to him about my current situation and also about my future dreams of a motorhome. I threw several ideas his way and stood eager for his response. Never critical! Always well thought out and perfectly delivered. Usually presented with an explanation or an example of his point.
Definitely one of my mentors! A man of quality and an example for others such as myself to follow. Rest in peace mate and thank you for the friendship and time we had spent together, and thank you most of all for helping me to clear my mind when i needed it most.
So where has my thoughts taken me?
Well simple! What is success? What is the idea of being able to say you are successful. And what is the purpose of life?
I am 36 years old I have served in the armed forces, I have worked as a funeral director. Run my own business for several years. I am married I have a lovely car, beautiful stuff and own my own home. Am I successful?
Currently I am getting divorced. I am selling my home! Sold almost all of my stuff. Looking to get rid of my car and I now live back home with my mother! Am I a failure?
Let’s start from the beginning.
Am I a success? Can I be considered as successful? When I became a minimalist I learnt the power of living life without the restraint of possessions. I always considered myself successful. I mean, I had a nice car, home and lots of lovely possessions.
As I started going through my divorce I realised that these where insignificant. I started to become more and more of a minimalist each step of the way. Now I have very few object possessions. Somehow now actually feel even more successful.
I now live freely without the lust for the next thing. I am free of the temptation to try and buy happiness through possessions.
Recently I took up meditation. I started to feel my mind was as full as my home and this also needed concentration. I could say I started to actively clear out my thoughts. Put things in to a simple context.
The best thing I ever started was to take time to myself. Meditation relaxes the body. Puts you into a state of harmony with your thoughts.
The brain after all needs time to heal and rest the same as any other muscle in the body.
I have been single now for 9 months. Single as in no longer with my wife. It’s been a massive journey of discovery. I loved my wife with all my heart and I think I probably always will love her in one way or another. We shared 8 great years together and I don’t regret a single day of it. However in any relationship you have to compromise.
You change a little bit here and a little bit there. Over the years you think you are the same person but in reality you aren’t. Throw in a life changer like disability and you can’t even begin to imagine the changes and sacrifices you make.
I should imagine that when my wife and I become her and me instead of an us she must have felt a little like I do. Who am I? Where am I? What do I do now?
I attempted the dating sites! Not my cup of tea and honestly the rejections get difficult. I would message a woman and over and over again I was faced with the no replies! You run out of witty comments and open one liners.
Once you get a reply you start a conversation. You talk about likes and dislikes, you try and find a common ground or something to build upon. I would then explain I am disabled and that would end that conversation. No reply or explaining just deleted and often blocked.
It’s hard going and soul destroying. I was left feeling like a reject and disheartened. I met a few lovely people don’t get me wrong. We are growing and building what we have into amazing friendships. In fact these people are becoming an incredibly important part of my life. If that is all i was destined to get then i consider myself very lucky.
So every grey cloud has a silver lining.
Living with mamma Mac
So 36 years old and back home with my mother! That has to be considered a failure! Right?
Wrong! I am getting the opportunity to get to know my mother again. We eat together, we talk, we spend time together. I am sharing a great moment with a woman who is strong and amazing, I could not be happier.
There is a reality that my mum won’t be around forever. I know I will miss her terribly. My love for my mother is with every atom of my human body and this time! right now! This is something I will treasure for the rest of my living days.
so where has this mind journey left me.
Well this all started after the passing of a very dear man in my life. I was left wondering if my own life was on track! am I or am I not successful.
My conclusion is that only I will ever really know. Success is in the eye of the one travelling on that journey! Wherever that may be.
Many things in your life matter,but only one thing matters absolutely.
It matters weather you succeed or fail in the eyes of the world. It matters if you are healthy or not healthy, It matters weather you are educated or not educated, Rich or poor — it certainly makes a difference in your life. Yes, all these things matter, relatively speaking, but they don’t matter absolutely. there is something that matters more than any of those things and that is finding the essence of who you are beyond that short-lived entity, that short-lived personalised sense of self.
You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realising who you are at the deepest level.